You Can't Do That!

That picture was from a collage so that's why the funky shape. That is my Dad behind me telling me not to waste a goddam picture because I was taking a selfie with the old man on an old style camera with a wind-up film cartridge.

If you're old you will remember having to take your film to be developed somewhere and that's why dad was so upset. You only had so many pictures per roll (cartridge) and they charged by the picture. Dad got pissed if you took a picture without anyone in it. So dad was not happy that I wasn't aiming the camera properly. "You shit ass!" was how that interaction ended.

When the film came back from the store my dad was amazed that you could take a picture like that. "Well, I'll be damned!"

That would be a constant theme from authority figures throughout my life -"You can't do that!"

Mom didn't want me to play guitar she wanted piano players and so my sister and two older brothers had piano lessons. Mom once told me if she caught me with a guitar she would break both my arms. I had no interest for the piano.

Dad taught me how to play the guitar but stressed that it was ONLY a hobby and he was all about getting a "sheeps skin" aka a college degree.

Well, my sister spent a good portion of her life going to school and finally got a PhD. My oldest brother was painfully shy and didn't want to give a speech so as far as I know he never got his two year degree. My other brother went to preaching school (seminary) and got the equivalent of a four degree I think, that wasn't dad's idea of an education. Dad didn't consider "doing the Lords work" or playing music as careers so my brother and I have that in common as far as disappointing dad.

It's frustrating to be told that all your dreams and ambitions are foolish and doomed to fail. My mom NEVER understood me at all. She thought I wanted to be famous but that was the last thing I wanted. I just didn't want to waste my life/time doing what I perceived as BULLSHIT. If you have to do something for a living it might as well be something you can enjoy.

I watched most of the peolple around me doing jobs that they didn't really like and it made them miserable people. I had a bunch of shitty jobs growing up and I just couldn't see doing any of those things as a career but the pressure to conform to "REALITY" as others saw it forced me to go to tech school and get an ASET which was a total fucking joke- another story for later-but it made the old man so fucking proud.

Still, I couldn't understand why anyone would put so much effort into just making a living, always chasing the carrot at the end of the stick which is to be able to retire one day and enjoy the fruits of all that soul crushing labor.

My plan is to hopefully drop dead, possibly on stage after doing something cool would be a nice exit, with only memories and a worn out carcass left behind. Time and geology will eventually erase all of our footprints so the only REAL, lasting thing is what you give of yourself to others not the stuff you leave behind. Peace and Love!