How I Got My High School Diploma

I started hating school shortly after puberty. It was repetitive and not very interesting. If it weren't for hooking up socially I'd had never gone at all, that's where all the chicks were. I tried to do the ABSOLUTE minimum required to get a diploma.

I didn't believe in homework because really? I've been here for 8 gd hours already and they want me to take this shit home with me? Big F no to that. I have FUN things to do, with my friends, like being a teenager.

The problem was I scored too high on the "placement" test between junior high and high school and got stuck in the advance classes with nerds that ENJOY fucking homework, science projects, term papers and shit for the college entrance exams. I was NOT that student. I liked sunshine, the ocean breeze and teenie weenie bikinis. Still do.

I loved music but in order to be in the high school band as a freshmen it was MANDATORY to be in the marching band. I hated marching and playing an instrument, good way to get a chipped tooth. Plus I was asked to try out for the freshman football team but there was no way the band director was going to let a freshman bend his precious fucking rule. He didn't like jocks. He liked being an athletic supporter though.

To me I just couldn't see the difference. It's all about school spirit so who cares if I'm a player, cheerleader or in the marching band, it's all about football season and team pride. Why couldn't I still be in the concert band? Do the jazz band, the solo and ensembles for the State contests where I had earned blue ribbons in junior high? Just a taste of the many things that I will never get. Questions with the only answer being life is crazy on planet Earth. I played football but that's a whole nother story.

Skip ahead to my senior year, being a pain in the ass to my parents, (I came home with 5 F's and a D on my report card during my junior year), every school administrator and teacher that crossed my path. "You could be so smart if you would only apply yourself" was a constant mantra from the adults in my life. Except my dad who constantly reminded me that I know nothing. As well as being a shitass. Don't know if that's supposed to be one word or two but the way dad said it made it sound like one word.

Long story short, in order to graduate and get my diploma with the rest of my class, I was coerced into doing a term paper. Being my senior year and preparing to enter the world old enough to be charged as an adult, the teacher selects "What is your philosophy?" as my topic.

I wrote out the lyrics to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon with a cover sheet explaining that the albums lyrics reflected my personal philosophy about life and the inevitable death we all face. It's more important to live while you are able to enjoy your youth as nothing is guaranteed especially health and longevity. My dad was a funeral director and embalmer, I've always known what's up. Or more accurately what's coming. I tend to choose fun over folly.

She gave me an A+. I only needed a D to graduate with my class. The proud, the few, the class of '82. I self identify as a nerd by the way. I post drone videos on social media if you need further evidence of my nerd qualifications. ☮️❤️😁🎶👣🖖

My blue ribbons from junior high. Thanks Mr. Youmans.