HELLO, I’m…. Brain Damage, Personal Guru

I had come off the road with the Photons leaving half the band in South Dakota to have fun with the winter, I am DONE with being cold if I can help it. My long time buddy Rob J. hooked me up with a tech job at a place called ITEC in Orlando in the interim between gigs/bands.

On the ride to Orlando from Deadwood, SD, Brent the utility guy (he plays all the instruments) and I decided to regroup with the first drummer that comes along without running an ad...

Actively searching and/or auditioning guys turns into a parade of idiots...especially in Orlando, original home of "Florida man"....

Guys that don't show, don't call, show up late, think "rehearsal" is code for smoking crack...if they can actually play, good luck getting them to show up for a few rehearsals.

Lo and Behold I find a drummer at ITEC. A young, raw talent that was eager and quick to learn the material, Rob G. The company even gave us a rehearsal room in the shop where we could leave our gear set up.

Our secret rehearsals became less secretive with each rehearsal, becoming the "happy hour" hangout for the shop crew and as the word spread about the "shop" band the office types started stopping by. We were the "cool kids" smoking weed, drinking beer, eating delivery pizza...

The company had recently grown rapidly with many new employees to be introduced at the annual company meeting. It's basically a waste of time, money and effort but that's the corporate strategy...Spending $100 grand on a meeting to find out why they're losing money...

Like most companies, the office/engineering types sat together in the front rows and the more blue collar "shop" types sat in the back rows like hungover Baptists fill the rear pews first on Sundays. If you come late it's the walk of judgement all the way up front to find an open seat.

The president of the company thought it would be a good idea for 150 people to stand up one at a time and introduce themselves, just a brief name and department. Brief.

The first person to start decided to include their college mascot along with the fact he was VP. That set the precedent as person after person stood up and said "I'm so and so, MA, BA, BSE, PhD... I work in accounting, drafting, chief ass kisser... Go Golden Gophers!" The next person, "Blah blah blah...Go Itchy Cooters!

The inevitable tiny girl with the voice of a mouse squeaks away unintelligibly until she let's out an enthusiastic but barely audible "Go Scrotum Poles"...Even standing she wasn't tall enough to be seen from a few rows back much less heard.

I can hear peoples feet shuffling impatiently, muted sighs and groans...my eyes glaze over, drool begins to spill out of the sides of my mouth...

After 30 or so people had completely worn off my morning buzz, it was my turn... I was the first person whose degree started with just an "A"... I stand, my loud, professional singers strength voice reverberating through the meeting hall...With a serious face...

"Hello. I'm Luke Sommer Glenn... My ship... crashed landed on this planet a while back..."That's as far as I got as everyone had a good belly laugh. In that kind of treacherous boredom a fart or a burp or even a loud belly gurgle would have been perceived equally as relieving... Anything to break the monotony.

Luckily I found the “Land of Misfit Toys” southernmost chapter here in the Keys. Like the little elf that wanted to be a dentist instead of making toys for Santa, I'm the technician that loves to play and sing not wire up ride and show control panels for a living so we left Orlando.

Before I came here I lived many brief lives. Amongst some of the stranger jobs... I’ve delivered and assembled furniture, refastened fasteners on clean room garments for “Barrier Wear” at NASA, a substitute janitor and PE teacher for Brevard County Schools. A proselytizer, bible thumper, prison ministry... those poor souls.

I’ve driven taxi-not Uber, I was an “on air personality” (DJ) at 1060 WAMT Tite-Ass-Villllle…I’ve grown things. I’ve watched things and people come and go. I’ve made god awful mistakes, had some happy accidents... It ain’t easy being human.

Just the amount of trouble and disappointment my penis has caused… No wonder the Baptist say “If you have an appendage that causes you to sin it is better to chop it off and cast it aside, for it is better to enter the kingdom of heaven sans pecker than it is to go to hell with a stiffy!” Yeah, ”God’s Word”, it's right there in the King James Version, the Catholic version didn't suit him very well so what's another translation to the 30,000 different versions of GODs word...Yeah, sure, you betcha.

I guess it started with learning how to tie my shoes. I’m not into tennis. I preferred to be barefoot and if I had to wear “shoes”, the cheap, slick ass plastic slaps were fine otherwise I wore cowboy boots to ride my mini-bike with the Tacumseh engine.

My first day of first grade, I’m exiting the regular sized school bus and the 6th grade girl with the orange safety patrol belt says to her friend, “OOOO look at that boy with the jacked up britches”. I looked like my uncle Kenny Williamson.

That’s when I also learned that he wore “floods”. I had to ask what floods were. I always was the last one to "get it".

My Pantry Pride sneakers had come untied and I asked the girls for help tying my shoe, I think they peed a little as they laughed at me. Most first graders could tie their own laces and I was as tall as a third grader.

I still had some kind of mental block that prevented me from being able to comprehend how to take the strings and twist and turn and over and under and... Shit! What a knot. This is stupid. Why can’t I just wear my cowboy boots to PhysEd if it's that necessary to wear shoes? Tenderfoot!

Did I mention I was dropped on my head as a toddler? Head injuries have been a constant part of my life ever since then just like flat tires and the tale of two inches (it’s actually a long story). I am also a "change of life baby"... Asperger's was mentioned when I was a kid...

I had a mini bike land on my head that required however many stitches. Fun fact; Dad was a funeral director and embalmer and removed the stitches at home. He was telling me the hydrogen peroxide I was feeling running down my back was blood.

I suddenly became thirsty and got up to get a drink out of the fridge and the next thing I knew I had fainted, falling into the fridge. I came to with mom yelling at my dad,” I told you not to tease him” about the "blood”.

During the sixth grade we were rear ended by a drunk driver, we were in my ex-sister-in-laws VW Bug. My dad was test driving it after having getting it ready to pass the required state inspection back then.

Mom grabbed shot gun and I was in the back seat headed, for McShits in town. I was staring at the intricacies of the $1 bill in my hands when BAM! The awfullest sound. I still flinch to this day at unexpected loud sounds. Fucking drummers, man...

After spending the rest of the afternoon having my eyelid sowed back on and the right side of my face stitched back up we finally made it to McShits that evening with my blood stained dollar bill.

I was anxious to go to school the next day to show off my stitches-no social media back then. I looked like Frankenstein, it was cool.

There was the motorcycle crash in high school where I landed on my head 3 times after I hit a stray dog. I had a beard so the hospital staff assumed I was a “biker” in 1981 terms, not the doctors and lawyers and CPA's and such riding today.

The hospital staff were less than accommodating until my mother showed up informing them I was a high school kid. With insurance. Mom didn’t like me much but she wasn’t going to let somebody be mean to me for no real reason. Only she could do that (along with any other teacher). My Mom was a school teacher/ curriculum coordinator/ assistant principal, specializing in English, Science and History.

The early 70's...We had a lot of hopes and dreams but mostly misconceptions on the ways of the world...

My first "street bike" and a head full of hair, sweet 16 🤣

There's always more to come, I hope anyway...That means we're both still kicking'!

Thanks for reading. As always ☮️ ❤️ 😊 🎶 👣 !