Never Go To War With A Cat

I, like the most of us, am used to controlling everything in my life even though control is just an illusion. We actually control nothing, not the weather, barely even ourselves, I mean, we start and end life shitting ourselves, so that should be a clue. Not even gravity is consistent. Have you experienced days when objects are heavier than on previous days? Well, if you haven't, you ain't old enough yet to where your body is sensitive to the position of the moon and other things that aggravate old bones and rheumatiz.

I have my chill friends, like-minded individuals navigating the often chaotic waters of life the best way they can, that always come around right when they're needed. Just to remind me that it's cool, and even when it's not cool, if we try hard enough, we can find some kind of coolness even in the worst circumstances. I've always been an optimistic realist when it comes to life.

Still, some days I look up at the sky and take in a deep breath and say, "what the f***, universe?" And then a mockingbird chases a squirrel down the power-line and it comes to me that I have been thinking too much again, as I am prone to doing that, and need to just live and be- like my little dog, taking the time to sniff all the smells on our daily walks.

Especially on garbage day. She is the epitome of life on planet Earth- she's so cute and full personality but she is a gross, garbage juice licking, cat poop eating, dead stuff rolling, little dog that likes to lick my face and snuggle up in the bed. Love...

Some people might look at it as she has a good life, but I look at it as that shot of much needed love when I get home after a trying day. Sometimes it's just nice to have somebody excited to see you.

My cat doesn't get the chance to be as enthusiastic because the dog makes sure she gets to me first. She'll stomp on the cat's head in route to the door whether it was necessary or not. They have their own language between them.

 I don't think anybody is mellow as a cat. Maybe a sloth but that's just their nature. Cats are hunters like us humans. My cat is well fed but she still kills one lizard a day and eats it. We've tried discouraging her and taking them away from her but she is 15 years old now and I don't think she's likely to change her ways. That's not what cats do.

 I had an uptight friend, about 45 years ago, that had purchased the latest and greatest Corvette with the T top. He parked it under the open air carport only to find a neighborhood cat on it every time he looked outside. At first he would just shoo it away but it would come right back, stretch out and lounge all over the hood of his car.

 He tried yelling and cursing at it. Then he started throwing rags at it. Finally he chose the nuclear option and turned the hose on the cat. After that, all he had to do was make a move towards that hose and the cat would haul ass. It drove him nuts that the cat was lounging all over his brand new car. It was just a few paw prints. Until the hose incident.

 He would wake up in the morning and find the cat had murdered and partially eaten some poor creature in the night on the top of his car. He often left for work before sunrise and wouldn't notice the remains streaking across the glass of the T top until he pulled up to work and the secretary he had the hots for would point it out saying, "EEWW! What's on your car?" He would be embarrassed and was out to get revenge on the cat.

 It's always a bad idea to start a fight with a cat. Whenever he saw the cat he would throw shit at him, swerve at him with his car while accelerating.  He would trigger the alarm on his car to scare the cat off of it. He tried to stay up all night waiting for the cat to show up but would always doze off.

 The cat always managed to sneak over and spray the tires with that strong cat piss smell. He would be talking to his love interest in the parking lot where he worked and she would ask, "What's that nasty smell? Did you buy it like that? I would take it back."

 The problem with blaming the cat was that she had a desk that had a Garfield calendar, Garfield coffee mug, pictures of her three cats, had a "I love cats" bumper sticker... She volunteered at the local pet shelter and was extremely sensitive to the issues facing our furry friends. Bitching about cats was out of the question if he wanted to score.

 He finally persuaded her to go on a date in his nice new Corvette. He spent all morning polishing and waxing it. She wanted to cruise around with the tops off so he decided to drop them off at his house for safekeeping. She went inside to use the bathroom while he stowed the T tops in the house.

 Needless to say, the cat visited the open, unguarded car. I can still imagine the cats tail twitching now as it sprayed it's love scent all over the seats and interior. My friend and his cat loving date hurried back out to the car to enjoy a cruise in the beautiful central Florida sunshine. 

 Being the polite gentleman he was, he opened the long, heavy ass car door for her and she plopped right down. He rushed around to the driver's side, jumped in and immediately smelled the cat's revenge. His date looked at him as if he were the one that pissed in the car.

He ended up trading the car at a significant loss. Even replacing the seats didn't remedy the situation. I guess she never had male cats before or never made one mad enough to piss all over her stuff.

 The moral of the story is, had my friend been more mellow and philosophical instead of thinking he was going to control the cat and stop it from being and doing what cats be and do, he might've hooked up with the girl and possibly caught a venereal disease. But instead he let it out about how he really felt about cats and that cats, as a species, should ALL be killed, so that was that. She wasn't about to give it up to a cat hater.

 The reality is, cats have all the time in the world to plot their revenge while we're out earning a living. While they have their leg in the air, licking their pickle, they're plotting against their enemies the whole time. Cats in Florida don't have to work near as hard to eat as people do so careful with that cat Eugene. I wonder if anybody will get the Pink Floyd reference.

 Peace and love! ☮️❤️😊🎶

P-Kitty. Poops in the house at night when she is unhappy about something. Usually in a spot you don't notice until you've stepped in it and tracked it around the house. She wasn't happy with the new dog (Mia) in the house and left strategic turd mines for three months. Took a while to make her point because the puppy kept eating them.😊